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Uncontrollable Rant Of A Livingstone Luvvie ! |
HOW TO STEAL A BUS AND GET AWAY WITH IT ! |
Early on a bleak winter's morning your beloved luvvie sits nice and cosy in the rest room. Everyone has turned up for work and I am trying to motivate myself to wash a bus. All of a sudden I get the call, "Scrote, we need to swap a couple buses around quick fire. Nothing too complicated for you". I then receive further instruction from the Engineering manager asking me to take an eight seat bus to our most distant outstation and return in a single decker Dart. Filled with joy I grab the keys to the minibus to be delivered and whilst it is warming up I think of how I can spend the next three hours away from the hassle of the boss and enjoy a cup of tea at our base, which I might add is quite a nice place in the middle of nowhere by a main road petrol station with a cafe. We keep about half a dozen buses there to operate rural services and have a place to re-fuel and wash them. I decide to have a little stop along the way so when I arrive and see that my bus is waiting for me, I quickly jump in and drive back to head office to catch up some time.Got back to the yard in good time and park the bus up and try to go unnoticed for the rest of the day. (4 days later) The Engineering manager has looked at the bus not recognised the reg. so has decided to contact the depot where it came from as this bus had been promised as a spare for some time now. Confidently and slightly aggrieved he calls the depot. " Hello this is Steve from Wellingborough I have bus 57501 in the yard with no paperwork please could you forward it to me as it has now been transferred to our fleet". Fleet admin - "What bus/ We haven't sent a bus to you?" Steve - "The bus is no.57501" Fleet admin - "No you can't have that bus!" Steve - "Well I have got the bloody bus sitting in my yard right now!" Fleet admin - "No, I mean you can't have it because we have sold it. Perhaps if I give you the number of the company we sold it to you can speak to them about it. I really don't have the time to get involved in this mess." Needless to say Steve is somewhat bemused by this turn of events but rings the company straight away to find out what is going on. During the conversion to his absolute horror Steve discovers that the company who bought no. 57501 had been transporting it to the depot in London and it had been "stolen", reported to the police and was still missing. This wouldn't have been such bad news if the bus was still in one piece, however it had already been "used" to repair other broken buses in the fleet. Later in the day, I am back in the canteen enjoying my lunch when one of the mechanics says "ere, heard the latest about the stolen bus! he-he", "y-know that bus we got four days back?, well it turns out to be the wrong one and it got nicked". At this moment I felt the overwhelming panic of realisation that I was in grave trouble. "SSSCCRROOOOOOOOOOTTEE !!!" shouted the boss. |
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